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Are You A Flimsy Shaker?

Are You A Flimsy Shaker?
SheMentor - Mon Sep 15, 2008 @ 06:37AM
Comments: 8

In terms of giving good advice to younger female executives just on the cusp of greatness, I find that the little things add up to make the biggest difference in affecting your career.  So - I'm going to pontificate briefly about one of those little things - a good, firm handshake.


Of course you know that first impressions are critically important in the business world.  No doubt you have by now "sprung" for a few really good suits, tailored to fit you very nicely.  You probably made sure your fingernails were clean and neat before you left the house today.  And hopefully, your shoes are polished with no scuffs.  BUT...did you make sure your handshake was presentable as well?  Because if your handshake isn't up to par, all the work you did on the other stuff can't bail you out of a bad first impression.

As I watch my friends who have children, I realize that most boys are taught to shake hands properly at a very young age, but most girls are not.  So, it seems there comes a time in a woman's life where it's all of a sudden appropriate for them to shake someone's hand, yet they really have no experience in doing that.  A proper handshake portrays good self-confidence - and this is definitely something you want to get across in the first few seconds when meeting someone new.  My thoughts on approaching the world of hand-shaking:
1.  If you are not sure whether or not the person you are meeting will shake your hand, don't wait for them - extend YOUR hand.
2.  Once you have the person's hand in yours, look them in the eye.
3.  While looking them in the eye, give a firm squeeze and a quick up and down with your hand - then let go.  Handshakes shouldn't go on for more than a second or two.
4.  "If it doesn't go up to your thumb, it ain't a handshake."  I've noticed some people who are either weak hand-shakers themselves or who are unsure whether or not YOU are a weak hand-shaker will only grasp the fingers of your hand.  You should attempt to shake the WHOLE hand - not just the fingers.
5.  Don't bend your wrist.  When  your wrist is bent, your hand is not in the proper position to firmly shake.
6.  PRACTICE.  I realize this is probably a teensy bit embarrassing, but on this subject, practice really does make perfect.  In this instance, practice with a mentor, or someone you know has a firm handshake.  Everybody remembers how weird this practice was to pick up in the beginning and will be very willing to help.

There are obviously much bigger ways to make a first impression - i.e., being highly educated, having a lot of experience in one particular field, and so on - but I'm assuming you already have that part covered.  A good handshake ought to just put a nice bow around the wonderful package that you already bring to the table, so please don't forget to make sure you get it right!

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Tags: handshake
Comments: 8

Comments

1. Joan M. Neill - Tue Sep 16, 2008 @ 03:20PM

I loved the article on the flimsy handshake and how to give a firm but effective handshake. There is nothing that turns me off more from either another man or another woman than a flimsy handshake. It is true that that is the first impression you get from someone, I think possibly even before your educational status or your looks. You can always look nice and be intelligent and witty but if you have a flimsy or "dead fish" handshake, you are lost before you ever begin.

Good work, SheMentor!

2. KW - Tue Sep 16, 2008 @ 04:20PM

Great advice - they don't teach this in college.

3. kd - Wed Sep 17, 2008 @ 09:44AM

In the guy world, my circle of friends calls the bad handshake the PGA/LPGA handshake. Pro golfers are famous for limp handshakes. Just be firm, you don't have the outsqueeze the other person - that's as bad as the limp sister handshake, which guys do too...

Guys are allowed to comment here, right?

KD

4. Phyllis Neill - Fri Sep 19, 2008 @ 02:56PM

But of course, KD!

5. Beverly - Fri Sep 19, 2008 @ 06:54PM

I just discovered your blog on the WE magazine list of "101 Bloggers to Watch" today & Heidi said to tell you she sent me.

My dad was the one who taught me about a firm handshake, along with the advice to let your "yes be yes and your no be no".

A pet peeve of mine is men who injure my hand by squeezing so hard it makes my eyes water. This is not arm wrestling, it's a greeting!! Yes- handshake lessons are probably in order.

6. Marshall Malone - Wed Sep 24, 2008 @ 11:40AM

Ditto that! Shake that hand like Sarah Palin would!

Seriously; I have interviewed many men and women, and I am starting to see more flimsy manshakers than women (too much time on the joystick I think). And the femme interviewers are prepared; They do their homework (study our product line), dress professionally and making eye contact. In contrast, every "Y" chromosome that walked in our placed seemed to be attached to baggy shorts and wrinkled shirts.

If anyone tells me I'm sexist, I'll just point to my own gender (in their early 20's) and say, "take a look at the competition."

7. Mon - Wed Sep 24, 2008 @ 01:04PM

Thanks for the great advice! As a young professional, I am always looking for tips to be more professional. In college I learned that handshaking is of great importance, but still it is a bit awkward at times. Even tip number one hit home for me because sometimes I feel unsure if I should shake someone's hand or not. Also, Marshall, I thought your comment was great- just the other day I shook hands with a man and he only shook my fingers- it was very awkward!

8. Glenda - Fri Oct 03, 2008 @ 09:40AM

Good advice, Phyllis. I have pondered the handshake a lot and have considered practicing with someone just to get the hang of it. I find that sometimes I am about to start the "shake" and when the other person starts a nano-second before I do. When this happens, my shake has started and my movement is not in sync with the other person's. It's rather awkward to have my hand moving up and the other person's moving down. Maybe that's were practicing with another person will help. Thanks for the advice and all that you do for women!

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