SheMentor

I’ve written quite a bit lately about dealing with problematic employees from a manager’s perspective.  However, dealing with a problematic employee who is your peer – now, that is another matter entirely!  In my opinion, it takes an entirely different skill set to deal with difficult co-workers when you are not their direct supervisor, because you will not be able to “make” them behave in a certain way, and you will not be able to impose consequences for their bad behavior.  At the same time, much of your professional reputation will be built off of how you deal with these types of co-workers.  Additionally, difficult co-workers can make for a very unpleasant work place for everyone else – try “googling” the phrase “why do employees quit their jobs”, and just about any list you pull up will contain a phrase that describes toxic co-workers in one way or another.

When I think about difficult co-workers, several different kinds come to mind (I’m sure there are others):  bullies, narcissists, rudely blunt/direct, no social skills/oblivious, and passive-aggressive.  In my 20+ years’ work experience, I have found the “bullies” to be the least damaging, and the “passive-aggressive” the most damaging – that’s just been my own personal experience.  Why?  Because oftentimes, a bully’s behavior is very black and white; that is, you can predict what they are going to do or say in a given situation.  However, a “passive-aggressive” co-worker will say one thing, and then do another, so their behavior is difficult to predict and therefore difficult to prepare for.  Additionally, I find that passive-aggressive employees’ behaviors are much more personally draining than the behavior of bullies.

Why do people behave this way, you ask yourself.  Who in their right mind would seemingly sabotage their own work situation with these types of bad behaviors?  In my experience, I have found that most of the time, people engage in this negative type of behavior because it has successfully gotten them what they wanted in the past.  Therefore, you’ve either got to figure out a way to not reward them with what they want when they exhibit this behavior – OR – try to proactively learn what it is that this co-worker craves – and help them get lots of it.  My personal philosophy is that you attract more flies with honey than vinegar, and indeed I have seen success in my career by really taking the time to get to know a difficult employee – observing their behaviors with different types of people in different kinds of situations, and trying to get a feel for what “pushes their buttons” in a positive way – and then helping them get those things regularly.  Whether it’s admiration they seek, “expert” status, or maybe even “office technical genius” – see if it’s within your power to provide your own kinds of reinforcements for these ideals with this employee.

Now, there are always some other fairly obvious options when dealing with a difficult co-worker:  complaining to management, arguing with them, complaining about them with other co-workers, etc.  But how awesome would it be if you are the ONE PERSON in your office who’s found a successful way to deal with Mr. or Ms. Difficult?  That’s the reputation I’m looking for in a star employee!!

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